myque

transcribed excerpt from Dixie Galore's Demo reel:

caption: Mr. Headdy's SparkleClean Disposable Dish Wipes commercial 1986

Interior: Kitchen, Housewife (Dixie) standing over a mustard yellow tile countertop wiping a clean dish with a paper towel

Male V.O.: [British accent] No longer are the days of dirty dishwater and pruney hands. Mr. Headdy's brand disposable dish wipes brings the modern convenience waterless dishwashing to the name you know and trust. Why, here is someone using Mr. Headdy's SparkleClean Disposable Dish Wipes now...

Dixie: Whu-What the hell? Get outta my house.

V.O.: Um... uh [away from mic] What?... [unintelligible commotion] Ok. Um. Ma'am, can you tell us why you choose Mr. Headdy's brand SparkleClean dish wipes to do your dishes?

Dixie: Well... let me tell you something. I don't have very many friends. My husband doesn't touch me anymore. And even though I sent my three children to boarding school, I don't get out much. The majority of my contact with the outside world comes through the television and, being an inherently lonely and dependant person, so does most of my advice. The vast amount of purchases I make are based on the forced sincerity of staged confessionals. Even if it means I buy things that I don't even use. Hell, I will gladly throw away groceries after two days. That is my right as a citizen of the United States. I buy things and throw them away because I am concerned about this economy. And I don't care about what they say about me down at the IGA. That Peggy Miller is a card carrying socialist. I seen that Walter Mondale pin she had. Why the hell am I washing these dishes anyway. Ain't like anyone comes home to dinner these days. Shit... [Walks off Camera]

V.O.: [American accent now, away from mic] Uh... Can... Can we use any of this? I don't know what to do; this is like the third take. Does she know we're filming?

[Muffy Perot slowly peers over the countertop. She spot the cookie jar]

Female Voice: We have to use her. She's the only quasi-celebrity we could get.

Dixie: I will have you know I did two weeks of the Hollywood Squares. That is until I caught Paul Lynde stealing my pantyhose. They had to pry that fop out of the air vent with Connie Francis's chin.

Male V.O.: Isn't Florence Henderson desperate by now?

[Muffy Perot inches her hand slower and slower to the cookie jar. The plate Dixie had been cleaning is pushed onto the ground, shattering]

Dixie: Dammit Muffy get out of my commercial!

[Muffy runs off. A red stilletto hits the counter]

Male V.O.: OK were're leaving.

Audio: commotion gathering equipment

Credits roll

Cut to Black

Dixie: [V.O.] I get to keep this right?

probably trash. probably shouldnt post. but im gonna.

for those who dont know, its been 10 years being vegetarian. i wrote a little essay on my thoughts. id like to make it a little comic one day. but i wanted to get it out of my head first.

( i will put it here so it's easier to ignore )

Music, when soft voices die,
Vibrates in the memory —
Odours, when sweet violets sicken,
Live within the sense they quicken.
Rose leaves, when the rose is dead,
Are heaped for the beloved's bed;
And so thy thoughts, when thou art gone,
Love itself shall slumber on.

Percy Bysshe Shelley (1821)

I CUT MY HAREZ OFF

now that the cartooning gig has ended im looking forward towards the next big thing

im preparing some auditions. anyone interested in helping me out, i would love to try them out in front of people.

posted this on a forum in the game

discuss:

let's start with family guy. the first time i watched it i thought it was the best thing since wine in a juice box and its still good for a laugh. but over time it really doesnt hold up all that well. there's only so far the "this is like the time ::insert movie parody::" formula will take you before people realize youre a one trick pony. the reason so many people like it is because they get the references, it makes them feel smart and they think the show has a high brow edge when all they really did was make a dukes of hazard joke. and i know its seth mcfarlane's show but he really doesnt have to do every male incidental character in the series. they all sound like brian. the simpsons' voice cast is far better at creating new voices. then there's the pseudo-plagaristic element of the show: family consisting of an obesce blue collar slack ass father, skinny sensible mom, older brother, younger sister and baby all living in a fictional everytown america (did you know "quahog", a type of hard shell clam, is slang for vagina?) the official story is that its an "all in the family" take but.. i mean come on... maybe for the opening but i dont buy it. but the one thing i really like is that the humor really pushes some limits, which i think is important.

the simpsons is the longest running sitcom in america, already greenlighted through the ninteenth season that will end in 2008. the magnificently talented danny elfman once said that throughout his travels around the world, when people ask him what he does, he lists the films he has masterfully scored but to his chagrin the only thing people seem to know is the simpsons theme. the simpsons did seem to be the pioneers of animated sitcom shows but for all the wonderful things the show is it is not original. the simpsons are an hommage to the first animated sitcom, the flintstones. its kinda hard to wrap your mind around that but it was geared towards adults as evidenced by the celebrity impersinations, the ones you didnt really get when you were a kid (kinda like the looney tunes.) reason being, all cartoons ever were considered a childish medium and had to be tame enough to meet 1950's-ish standards of what is ok for kids. that is until the genius work of ralph bakshi, but that has nothing to do with anything. point being the prime time animated family sitcom genre was already there. the simpsons do it better. the simpsons still do it better.

(did you know the simpsons were almost rabbits? the producer for the tracy ulman show was looking for an animated segment for the show and had one of matt's "life in hell" strips framed on the wall, the characters being an estranged family of rabbits with severe overbites. matt agreed to do the segment but for fear of loosing his own characters, he offered up character sketches completed in 15 minutes that were based on his real life family. matts dad is *actually* named homer. i kinda feel bad about his two older brothers that got left out of the simpsons tho...)

the true genius to stem from the simpsons franchise is the collaboration between creator matt groening (pronounced GRAY-ning, if you believe it (go impress somebody)) and writer/director david x cohen. the premise is original (to refute argument: jetsons is about a family doing family things, not delivering things. sort of kinda quantum leapy but not really. but a show a bout a DELIVERY company nevermind to outer space? ) the show deals with the future in the context of social commentary but without loosing a delightfully absurd sense of humor. it explores existentialist isssues at the expense of being a little campy but this is arguably the most endearing and substantial element of the show. the characters are all terrible people but helplessly likeable due in part to the exceptional voice talent working on the show, most notably billy west (john k my still hate you for scabbing but youre still the only stimpy for me!) look at family guy and alot of the characters arent very likeable because macfarlane's biting sarcasm isnt all that charming, barring stewie for the most part. then there's peter, the archie bunker who you are apparantly supposed to hate. conversly, even supreme asshole bender is redemed by the occasional crayon doodled orphan picture affixed to the inside of his chassis. there are technical elements too that are quite impressive. the 3d cgi is masterfully shaded, the color pallate is well defined and artfully crafted, props and arcitecture design is aesthetic but apropriately cartoony but most imporantly the humor is based on good writing instead of stringing together parodies and non-sequiter gags. but i guess thats its downfall, it makes people think, instead of makes them think they think. for example: "what would happen to my dog if i dissapeared for a thousand years" versus "hey thats the mary tyler moore theme" (which are both freakin awesome episodes)

family guy appeals to the lowest common denominator; to use a family guy quote "i like what i can remember."

it just seems the wider the appeal the less good things get.

thats just how i feel as a professional cartoonist. you dont have to agree. after all this is the internet where everyone is entitled to the wrong opinion.

IAMAWESOME!!!